I have to act blessed. I have not been acting it.
That is the difference. That’s what I’ve been missing.
We are all blessed and cursed in some way, shape or form. That is a fact, you can challenge me on it; I will win. But whether we are in fact blessed and/or cursed is a choice. It is a choice we get to choose through our action.
I have not been acting as though I am blessed. My focus has been on all the trips and vacations my soon-to-be-ex-husband is taking while I have no money to do anything at all but sit at home at my parents’ house where I now live. My focus has been misplaced. I have not been living as if, god, am I blessed to have a set of parents to take me in, who are willing to help me get this crazy illness under control, and who will put up with me in the meantime when I cannot be controlled. I have not been acting as if, god, I may be without extra money right now, but I sure am blessed to have a beautiful laptop computer and wireless internet so I can sit on the comfy couch in my parents’ loft or outside on their beautiful porch and write all these thoughts, all these beautiful thoughts that might otherwise be lost forevermore.
My focus has been displaced. It has been dissipated. It has been all but obliterated. All but. All except; all except that it has not.
I am blessed and I am cursed. But I am blessed so much more if I can act it. Thinking is not enough. To think a thought of helping another is not the same as helping another. I must act blessed in order to be it. That is what it takes.