I’ve been fairly disappointed lately with my lacking creative flow (follow me…this post does get better, I promise you, it’s true).  It’s not even so much as my lack of creative input, it’s just bits and pieces of beautiful ideas that come into my head and I jot them all down in a journal I keep in my purse at all times, all times.  But none of it seems to be coming together quite yet, as an entire cohesive idea or theory, which is kind of pretty much exactly the same trouble I’m having with developing my first book, “Cultivating Beauty”.

I have the theme…nah, I don’t even feel like getting into it right now.  It’s funny, I always fear when I get into phases when I never seem to be in the mood to write, I get this fear like “holy sh#t, I am never going to be able to write anything worthwhile again!”.  And then I panic and then I remind myself, this is always, always, a three part process:

1.  Observe life and the world around me;

2. Process the ideas of life that the world around me brings;

3. Come to conclusions and write like a maniac for fear of losing what might be lost forever if not written down immediately; and

4. Really, there is a fourth, the whole editing, publishing process that I’m just getting used to via blogging.

The first three are the most important though I think, in the creative sense, in the sense of creating something of value in a world so lacking of it.

So anyways, I get this fear just as I am feeling at this moment, that nothing beautiful and worthwhile is ever going to come along into my mind again.  I know it’s not true, I know I must use my inner strength now to battle this inner demon, but it’s a goddamned pain in the ass if you ask me.  But no one ever said this would be easy, and to be or create anything worthwhile, this is a struggle that will never go away.  You can choose to let it go, but I have never yet, because I love creating far more than I fear or tire from the fatigue of struggle.  But I do sometimes wonder…

So, that being said, to be more specific than my “About Me” page as it relates to Cultivating Beauty, this is the premise:

A philosophical inquiry into the nature of beauty as told from the first person narration of a young 20-something American woman.  I am Holden Caulfield meets Carrie Bradshaw meets Friedrich Nietzsche meets Bridget Jones.  I am diverse, all kinds of intra-contradictions going on over here in this teeny tiny spot in this big ol’ blogosphere.

And then the rest of the idea is to use old journal entries to create a sort of “coming of age” story about the riches and struggles found within middle-class American society.

And that’s it.  That’s all I have.  Except I took a month off of work in May 2012 to start building the manuscript (which did happen), but then also ended in a divorce.  Ahh you win some and lose some, I think I won the best of both worlds.

In any case, this link is the prologue I wrote for the book:

It was a complete and utter labor of love.  I wrote the whole thing in a matter of probably 32 hours, but a labor it was nonetheless, a beautiful one though, one of the best kinds (as I can imagine).

I am going to add now two Quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche (I can’t tell you how many time it just took me to spell that name right, and of all people!), which I have chosen to open and close the book.  So see the posts following, and I will come back and provide links when they are complete as well.

[I am back…here are the links to what I hope to use as the opening and closing quotes for “Cultivating Beauty”:]



Thanks for reading by the way, this book is a labor of my love and the greatest gift I have to give back to this American society that has provided me many privileges and opportunities, and the world at large, which at present seems full much more of evil than with good.  But I can feel the tides are changing, the wind is shifting and goodness will return.

6 thoughts on “CULTIVATING BEAUTY – The Book

  1. Pingback: LEARNING TO FLY – Gaining Awareness of the Discomfort of My Own Skin | THE CULTIVATION OF BEAUTY

  2. Pingback: Friedrich Nietzsche – Cultivating Beauty/Closing Quote | THE CULTIVATION OF BEAUTY

    • ;0) Which reminds me, I’ve GOT to start getting to that yoga class at my gym. It’s no extra charge and I don’t go bc I’m lazy, but really I don’t go bc I’m afraid of the inner thought that might emerge. Sounds like exactly what I need with this fragmentation issue. I’m going to go put it on my calendar right now. Good thinking ;0) Thanks for the comment :0)

  3. Don’t focus on outcomes during the creative process. Work sometimes flows smoothly, sometimes it’s very fragmented. It doesn’t matter. If the focus is on outcomes, we inhibit the natural process.

    • Excellent advice. I’d have to agree. It cause me to struggle sometimes, but not in vain. Of the type of the best sort I think. I just keep jotting and thinking away :0) Thank you for the comment and feedback ;0) It is always appreciated.


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