— ODE TO TERRIBLEMINDS.COM —
Uhh…you guys, my blog is a mess. It is totally unorganized and I just got done with a divorce and it turned out well (for me) so yay, but then my grandma died and so we had the funeral and I wanted to write something so I could speak it at the funeral before she was buried and didn’t get it done in time blah, blah, blah and on and on.
However my darlings, somewhere amidst all of that going on, I came across this article written on this website terribleminds.com, this one right here:
It’s all about finding your “voice” as a writer, written from the perspective of a writer whose writing is wittily and unconventionally, umm…spirited. Yes. Basically, the type I love and can’t do.
It’s funny though, I loved it and it made me laugh, talked too much about “vaginas” perhaps (but not per se) as I linger here along in my laissez faire, blase ‘wish-it-didn’t-make-me-uncomfortable-but-it-slightly-did-anyways-but-ohh-well’ kinds of ways. But you know what? Whatever. Because whatever works, works. And that’s all that matters.
So anyways, I thought it was funny (i.e. peculiarly serendipitous…yes) that despite the mess that my life has been, I somehow managed to find this article and link it to my Google Chrome Bar to come back to. Funny because lately I have been obsessing about finding my voice as a writer. And now that I am cleaning up, it did lead me back, to that article and also the blurb that follows which I wrote back in 2008 just after turning 27 (five years…ahh man).
Although the two blogs (or at least posts) are just about as disparate in style, topic, well, just about in every way you can get, the one reminded me of the other. And it made me smile. Hope it does so for you too.
Reflection from September 17, 2008:
I was just speaking on the phone with Halle and trying to talk with people about my life makes me realize how depressed I am. I know I’m depressed because I can’t talk about my life without crying. I had to try really hard not to cry with Hal because I didn’t want to go into things and have to explain why I’m so sad and why my life sucks and ohh poor poor me.
It’s just that I hate my life because I hardly ever have any fun in it. It’s all work and no fun and I think that’s better than having cancer for sure, but if you’re talking about trying to be happy, I think it takes more than this. I can’t even explain myself in words and I don’t even feel like trying because my writing’s been awful lately. Maybe I need to mess with my meds a little to make my life more exciting. Problem with that is, it’s more than likely I’ll end up on the other side wanting to kill myself. But then again, I kind of feel like I want to kill myself nowadays anyways. Ohh what the fuck.
You know, I remember one time when my old boss Solomon told me that Kellie Pickler reminded him of me. And I didn’t watch American Idol so I didn’t know who she was, but I remember telling Stella and she sounded almost offended for me. She said Kellie didn’t remind her of me at all. But then I just learned how to use this you tube thing (it’s wonderful!) and I watched some videos of her and while I can see how Stel might have taken Solomon’s comment offensively or out of context, I really rather think it was a wonderfully nice comment all the same.
I love Kellie Pickler! She’s so raw, just so real and down to earth and full of emotion brewing forth and over the top. She’s got that southern drawl and makes stupid bonehead comments and she’s missing what’s goddamned right in front of her, but I tell you what, she has more depth than most people will come across in their entire lives.
So I kind of see it as a compliment. I like Kellie Pickler. I like that her soul is intact. I like that she cannot be bought. I like that she’s not ashamed of who she is. I think she’s beautiful. I wish I knew her and could tell her that myself. I’d tell her she is beautiful and that her voice is just like that of an angel. I’d tell her I love her just the way she is and I hope she never changes herself to please somebody else.
LATER ASIDE – Aha! See, I told you I’d been worrying myself about this lately:
LATER, LATER ASIDE – note that this post is an example of what I call “FDC”. I don’t think I’ve tried yet to explain it in words in the blog, but it is a concept I came up with in college and it stands for “Fate, Destiny and Chance”. I believe that these three powers make up this Universe within which we all live – Fate being what will be (no matter what), Destiny being the part we each do play in how Fate unfolds, and Chance being, well…opportunity. More to surely come…