I’M AN AS#HOLE – When I Forget to Remember

So, somehow between my divorce settling, my grandma passing away, things getting crazy at work, trying to fold my laundry while it’s still hot so it doesn’t get wrinkled, etc…I’ve become a real as#hole, lemme tell ya…

I know this because I got some money in the settlement and I’ve spent some of it and I’ve been walking around telling anyone who will listen all about how awesome all my new sh#t is.  The exact thing I used to loathe listening to at social events with my ex-spouse.  So Stupid.

But the crazy thing is, I already know this about myself.  How is it then, that I so easily forget?

If you’ve been reading, you’ve heard.  If not…I tend forget:

https://thecultivationofbeauty.com/2013/05/12/the-pursuit-of-character/

https://thecultivationofbeauty.com/2013/06/15/on-being-blessed-to-act-it/

https://thecultivationofbeauty.com/2013/07/24/on-being-different-why-its-a-good-thing/

It’s funny, I’ve been telling myself for some time now, that I need to get back to meditation.  It’s been almost five years now…

It’s so hard though, to sit so still, in a world so full of motion.  I suppose exercise then, is the answer, or at least the first and easiest answer.  Exercise is like meditation for the modern-day [wo]man, always coming back to the breath, but always too still, remaining in motion.

I can’t even tell you how long it’s taken me to write this silly little post.  I have laundry cooling, wrinkling, as I sit here and write this.  The idea has been marinating subconsciously for weeks now but for all the noise, all this noise that just keeps getting in the way.

I can’t think straight, and if I can’t think straight, then I cannot walk straight upon the line which differentiates between good and evil.  I must get back to meditation.  I must sit in the discomfort of sitting in this world so full of motion, grin and bear it, blood, sweat and tears, whatever it takes…that is what I must give of myself.

There is a line, I’ve had it on refrain now in my car, on my phone, on my computer, everywhere for a few weeks now, from a song called “The Blast” produced by Hi-Tek featuring Talib Kweli on their album “Reflection Eternal”.  It goes like this:

“…they ask me what I’m writin for

I’m writin to show you what we fightin for…”

So much noise…so hard to focus in this world.

11 thoughts on “I’M AN AS#HOLE – When I Forget to Remember

  1. Pingback: BE PATIENT AND THEY WILL COME – On Being Direct With The People (TY Talib Kweli…) | THE CULTIVATION OF BEAUTY

  2. Meditation is great for sure. I too have had much difficulty with it but of late I have been using a much simpler method which I am finding works better for me.
    Instead of trying to be still so much and all that – instead this method focuses almost solely on the breath. Focusing on the breathing and counting slowly – breathing in for a count of 3 and breathing out for a count of 5. The longer out breathing is important. Anyway – it’s a useful method for me. Might not work for you but might be worth a try.
    Regardless – perhaps the point is that there are many different methods available and perhaps it is just a case of finding one that suits you?

    • I think so. I think it is partly circumstantial, just a lot going on right now you know? But then it’s like ohh my god, is it ever going to end?! And then I tend to get panicky and fidgety which never helps.

      I think your method though, is much more practical for on the go though, at work, etc. and great as a supplement at the very least.

      Thanks for the feedback ;0)

    • I wanted to thank you again for your input, but also say in my response, I was not complete with the entire story. I wrote it out, then took it back, for fear really, of nonacceptance.

      The truth is, when I get panicky and fidgety, with my condition (bipolar), that can lead to suicidal thoughts, *that* being what is “never good”. So that is consequently the reason, for me, for the more strict regimen. But in any case, I’m glad you had mentioned “your” :0) idea to me, because I do think it would be a great supplement when the circumstances just don’t allow for the more rigid structure.

      That’s a bit of detail, not sure whether you care to know or not. If not, I apologize for taking up the time. But I thought it best that I be fully honest and open in this particular instance. Not sure why, now that I think of it, but regardless, thanks again ;0)

  3. “so hard…to sit so still, in a world so full of motion”. So true… Add to that my ADDish mind… I’ve had to take up long walks (4 miles) as a form of “meditation” (and health). Though, wow, I’m using that term, “meditation”, loosely… Still… But, yes, I think you’re onto something: “always coming back to the breath, but always too still, remaining in motion”. That’s really good. ~ B

      • Lest you ever think your writing has no lasting value, I want you to know that I thought about your post on my way to my first appointment this morning, about an hour’s drive. Sort of thinking about it in light of a recent post on my blog titled “Plaid”, I realize how long it’s been since I’ve practiced any real form of mindfulness, and how much I really need to get back to that… So, yeah, thanks for the thought prompt with your post yesterday. It’s still with me; and a really needed focus for me about now. (smile). Hope your day is going well. ~ Bill

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