ON BEAUTY – The Melancholy Dissatisfaction of Francesca Noelle



WRITTEN – 2/27/2008 @ AGE 26

I was thinking about my cousin Francesca earlier today.  I think about her and it’s funny because I think she’s one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen in my entire life, and since I’m so big on inside beauty and all, it’s difficult exactly to explicate why I feel this way about her.

All I can say is that I’ve felt this way my entire life about this girl, even though I’ve never really known her well, or really even hardly at all.  But I still remember standing in the kitchen at the house I grew up in, I must have been 10 or 11, and I remember looking at her baby announcement we had received in the mail from my Aunt – healthy baby girl, Francesca Noelle.  I thought it was one of the most beautiful names I’d ever heard.

And as a child, ohh I will tell you, she was the most energetic scratchy throated beautiful white haired blonde baby I’d ever seen.  Well my god, let me tell you, when I saw this 15-year-old girl last spring at Aaliya’s baby shower, just about to turn her sweet 16, I was blown away.  I think I would have expected it, but I hadn’t seen Franny in years – so many years I’d not even realized, really, that she was all grown up now!

Anyway, there was always something about Francesca – something indescribable but unmistakable, to me at least.  I was feeling a bit guilty then, as I was thinking, wondering why I felt so strongly for this particular cousin and not for my other female cousins.  I feel like I shouldn’t play favorites and all, but I think sometimes that’s just the way human nature works – we have instinctual intuitions (unless they get all screwed up by human experience), and sometimes we just instantly like some people more than others.  Sometimes we just love people we don’t even know, at first sight.  Sometimes words are not necessary to feel the beauty of an unspoken connection.

Well, Miss Francesca, in all her melancholy dissatisfaction, is just the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  Her beauty could part the seas and bring all of heaven down upon this earth.  Her bittersweet sorrow alone, could bring good and evil to their knees, joining them in that which they share and leaving behind all their differences.

Her beauty is like no other beauty I’ve ever experienced in my life, except perhaps my own.  Except perhaps my own, and except perhaps the beauty in my undying love and affection for David.  The three, for me, are alike in nature and each, I believe, will permeate through the end of time.

I do not know why I feel this way, or how I could feel so strongly about that which I cannot prove, that which can only be felt.  But I can say for certain, regardless and without explanation that I do so feel this way, down to the very last fiber of my being.  I don’t know why I feel this way, but nonetheless, I unmistakably do so feel.


19 thoughts on “ON BEAUTY – The Melancholy Dissatisfaction of Francesca Noelle

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  6. This is my favorite of all the things you’ve written so far, and I think it’s because there were a lot of feelings of affection being expressed here, and that just made your writing flow with both clarity and a kind of natural poetry that just took it to another level. Also, you had a lot of great – rather poetic – lines in it and I could relate to it well, especially the part where you said “sometimes we just instantly like some people more than others. Sometimes we just love people we don’t even know, at first sight. …the beauty of an unspoken connection.” Well put, and I understand that so well. I also love how you recognized and loved the beautiful sadness (melancholy) in your cousin. I too find such beauty in sadness that’s hard to explain (try reading the love poetry of Pablo Neruda…!). The muse was definitely with you in writing this, and I think it’d be great to see you write more from the fountain of emotion as you did here, especially from that two-sided coin of love and sadness. You kept questioning why you feel this way… And that’s something that I’m learning to accept in my own life – why I feel certain things. You can’t help what you feel. I think our society is WAY to big on trying to suppress and invalidate emotions… So many written and unwritten rules about what is or isn’t “appropriate”… It’s sad. Maybe what a person feels is not something that they could just openly share with everyone, but, still, what they feel is what they feel, and I don’t think anyone should ever hold back in feeling what they feel nor feel bad about feeling what they feel, and that they should find at least a creative way to express (a creative outlet for) what they feel, especially those things that perhaps seem a bit edgy or “questionable.” Anyway, this is a really great post. ~ I hope your day is going well. ~ Bill

    • Thank you. Much appreciated. You said “I think it would be great to see you write more from the fountain of emotion as you did here”, can you elaborate? I’m not sure I know what you mean fully, but I’m pretty sure it would be helpful to hear any additional thoughts on that you might have.

      I completely agree with you on the need for an allowance of constructive, creative outlets for any type of emotion here. I think our society would be so much less violent if we all could just be who we are instead of pretending to be someone else. I hope to inspire that in people, to want to be themselves and not someone else.

      Thank you for the support and your generous comment ;0)

      • To answer your question – You were expressing an admiring love (an attraction) for your cousin and a kind of sad love for David. It’s almost as if the writing was flowing more right out of your heart and sort of bypassing your mind. It’s odd, we tend to think that in order to write with clarity we have to get all up in our heads about it. But, I generally find that when I just let loose with my heart and emotions and not get all heady about it, that’s when I tend to write something that most pleases me and resonates with others. When you flow like that, maybe you have to go back and edit it a bit, but still, the power in that kind of writing is great. And it’s also therapeutic. A release. Catharsis. I think others latch on to that kind of honesty. Your soul, your spirit really come through, and that’s where great connections with others happen. When you wrote in this post about how taken you were with your cousin, that was a very vulnerable thing to write, and it came across really beautifully and expressed a depth of your soul I’ve not seen before. I liked it. [smile]. ~ B

        • Thank you, for the compliment and for the insight. That helps to understand better, and I definitely agree. I hate when I self-censor, it always ruins the beauty that could otherwise be. But it’s definitely difficult to “get” oneself into a place where things just flow. It almost has to be written simultaneously or very shortly after the idea is sparked (for me anyways), because once the passion dies, that capacity to allow the flow ends, and then it’s just kind of trying to remake it which is never as effective.

          Interesting thoughts, thank you for sharing!

          • I know what it’s like when someone gives you a link to go to or a video to watch… BUT, someone shared this with me years ago, and had to twist my mental arm to get me to set aside 20 minutes to watch this… 20 minutes sounded like an eternity to me…, and, well, “ain’ no body got time for that!”, right? BUT, BUT, I PROMISE you, that if you get just through 3 minutes of this, you will not look back and it will become one of your all-time favorite things. I have watched this SO many times…! For any writer, this is a must. It”s funny, it’s interesting, it’s real, and it usually makes me tear-up in certain places… And I think about it especially for you because of what you say about capturing that passion when it arises. The Muse! I know you’re going to love this…, so, do me just one favor, and if you never look at any other thing I post, give this video a chance. ~ B

        • Hi! Okay I finally watched the video ;0) Sorry that took so long!

          You know what though? I don’t know what it is, but this lady has always always rubbed me the wrong way. Truth be told, I never read her whole book Eat, Pray, Love, but I was annoyed even just at the premise that she’s preaching this huge spiritual enlightenment, when in fact it’s mostly based upon privileged experience. Here, see the last paragraph of the “Reviews” section …


          That explains a little more what I mean…I feel bad now ;0( Do you know what I mean though? Or am I missing something? What do you think? Maybe it’s because I never read the book, I’m not sure.

          • Hi. I know what you mean. It’s like when I watch travel shows, and they interview all these tourists/travelers who seem to have nothing but endless amounts of resources to just take-off on extended excursions in exotic places… But, I think there are a lot of good points about creativity in what she has to say. ~ I hope your day is going well. ~ Bill


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