REFLECTION FROM FEBRUARY 27TH, 2008**
RE: THE NATURE OF BEAUTY AND THE POWER OF UNSEEN THINGS
WRITTEN – 2/27/2008 @ AGE 26
I was thinking about my cousin Francesca earlier today. I think about her and it’s funny because I think she’s one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen in my entire life, and since I’m so big on inside beauty and all, it’s difficult exactly to explicate why I feel this way about her.
All I can say is that I’ve felt this way my entire life about this girl, even though I’ve never really known her well, or really even hardly at all. But I still remember standing in the kitchen at the house I grew up in, I must have been 10 or 11, and I remember looking at her baby announcement we had received in the mail from my Aunt – healthy baby girl, Francesca Noelle. I thought it was one of the most beautiful names I’d ever heard.
And as a child, ohh I will tell you, she was the most energetic scratchy throated beautiful white haired blonde baby I’d ever seen. Well my god, let me tell you, when I saw this 15-year-old girl last spring at Aaliya’s baby shower, just about to turn her sweet 16, I was blown away. I think I would have expected it, but I hadn’t seen Franny in years – so many years I’d not even realized, really, that she was all grown up now!
Anyway, there was always something about Francesca – something indescribable but unmistakable, to me at least. I was feeling a bit guilty then, as I was thinking, wondering why I felt so strongly for this particular cousin and not for my other female cousins. I feel like I shouldn’t play favorites and all, but I think sometimes that’s just the way human nature works – we have instinctual intuitions (unless they get all screwed up by human experience), and sometimes we just instantly like some people more than others. Sometimes we just love people we don’t even know, at first sight. Sometimes words are not necessary to feel the beauty of an unspoken connection.
Well, Miss Francesca, in all her melancholy dissatisfaction, is just the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Her beauty could part the seas and bring all of heaven down upon this earth. Her bittersweet sorrow alone, could bring good and evil to their knees, joining them in that which they share and leaving behind all their differences.
Her beauty is like no other beauty I’ve ever experienced in my life, except perhaps my own. Except perhaps my own, and except perhaps the beauty in my undying love and affection for David. The three, for me, are alike in nature and each, I believe, will permeate through the end of time.
I do not know why I feel this way, or how I could feel so strongly about that which I cannot prove, that which can only be felt. But I can say for certain, regardless and without explanation that I do so feel this way, down to the very last fiber of my being. I don’t know why I feel this way, but nonetheless, I unmistakably do so feel.
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