Reflection from March 7th, 2008 @ Age 26
RE: WHAT YOU CAN’T LIVE WITH—BUT CANNOT EITHER LIVE WITHOUT.
I’ve gotta get going to work, but I think it’s worth mentioning that I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about Dave lately. It’s not like it’s necessarily voluntary either. He’s just been on my mind and I miss him terribly. It always amazes me how I can so intently miss someone who treated me with such disrespect. It’s par for the game though, ain’t it? He was actually in my dream last night—I can’t remember the content, but needless to say I awoke satisfied and happy. You know though, I don’t think Dave always treated me terribly, he did have his moments, and the truth of the matter is, the greatest joy I’ve ever experienced in my 26 years and 8 months was the joy derived from my relationship with Dave. So as much as I want to berate him for his sometimes ineffable conduct, he was responsible for something so dear to my heart that I don’t think I would want to have lived otherwise—I don’t think I would want to live otherwise, without his presence in my memories. At times like this, I’m so thankful to bear his star on my body. I never want to forget him. I want to love him until the day I die. I want my love for Dave to permeate the boundaries of both space and time. I want to meet Dave in heaven and be one and whole and feel at long last home in his heart. I will love this boy through the strictures of all eternity.