Reflection from November 28th, 2013 @ Age 32
RE: THE EXERCISE OF MENTAL-HEALTH RECOVERY WITHIN THE PROCESS OF CREATION.
It’s been many many days since I’ve last written. I’ve been creating in the meantime on the blogs, but nothing systematic yet. And I don’t think anything of great worth is going to come out until I find a way to get systematic about things. I know how to do it; the bar exam—that’s how to do it. If I can reteach myself law school to pass the f@#king bar exam, then I can figure a way to get systematic with my creativity. I just need to set the system frame up. Then I work within it and it will be very productive and I will be very productive, but not without it. I must set it up, and soon—before my demise, should it come or even be on its way over now. I don’t know what is going to happen. I only know that I cannot not do this now. I’m in too deep now, to get out.
That’s a little what it feels like now too. Like I’m trapped. I’m afraid I’m going to get to a point where I cannot breathe and then I don’t know if I will know what to do next. Like, after that—to keep me going and all. I don’t even feel like writing right now, I’m so f@#king tired from all the gray outside I can hardly stand myself and the feel of these achy fingertips upon these keys enough to create these words that I write. But ahh well…I will be back soon. I promise…