ON DREAMING — Getting The Obstacles Out Of My Way


Reflection from September 30th, 2011 @ Age 30


I don’t know that I relayed this yet, but I am finished with my current psychologist.  After the whole book debacle, which I’m pretty sure I wrote about that—but after all of that, this a@#hole had the nerve to say to me, “Now, you’re not putting any pressure on yourself to write this book, are you?”  I know you probably can’t understand completely, but honestly, what a total a@#hole!  It’s like this man can only think inside of the box.  He was been wonderful with helping me get through a very difficult time—keeping me alive and going really, keeping me moving forward with enough hope that I would meet someone and pass the bar and become able to pay my bills.  For all of that, I am so thankful.  I mean it though, I really am.

And don’t you know, he was right; because I did find someone who would love me, despite my debt and my mental illness, and I did pass the bar exam and get my license to practice law.  He kept me believing that it was possible, when I very much so had difficulty believing in the mere possibility—and for that, to him, I will forever be grateful.

But now the tides have turned.  Now, it’s time to start thinking outside of the box—and in that, I have come into contact with his weakness.  He can’t.  He cannot think outside of the box—he cannot believe in things beyond the course of leading a “normal” everyday life:  college, law school, meet someone, pass bar exam, great job, start paying off debt, eventually have kids and the house and a dog.  He’s good for all that stuff—the regular everyday achievements.  But I just cannot tell you; I don’t know how to explain it in words, but he simply just cannot comprehend what it is to have a larger dream, and take what is a mere image in the mind of a dreamer, and to make that dream become a reality.  I cannot blame him or fault him; very few people can do that.  But I can remove myself from the situation, and find a new psychologist who does understand.  Or maybe I won’t be able to find one, who knows?  But it’s not going to stop me from trying.

So I don’t know…you can call me crazy if you want!  But things are starting to get silly here!  I am telling you—from the bottom of my heart, that I can feel the Universe shifting.  And I have no idea exactly where it will end up taking me, but I have a good feeling about it and look forward to finding out.


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