Reflection from September 30th, 2011 @ Age 30
RE: WHY PSYCHOLOGISTS ARE TOO, LIMITED BY THEIR OWN HUMAN CONDITION.
I don’t know that I relayed this yet, but I am finished with my current psychologist. After the whole book debacle, which I’m pretty sure I wrote about that—but after all of that, this a@#hole had the nerve to say to me, “Now, you’re not putting any pressure on yourself to write this book, are you?” I know you probably can’t understand completely, but honestly, what a total a@#hole! It’s like this man can only think inside of the box. He was been wonderful with helping me get through a very difficult time—keeping me alive and going really, keeping me moving forward with enough hope that I would meet someone and pass the bar and become able to pay my bills. For all of that, I am so thankful. I mean it though, I really am.
And don’t you know, he was right; because I did find someone who would love me, despite my debt and my mental illness, and I did pass the bar exam and get my license to practice law. He kept me believing that it was possible, when I very much so had difficulty believing in the mere possibility—and for that, to him, I will forever be grateful.
But now the tides have turned. Now, it’s time to start thinking outside of the box—and in that, I have come into contact with his weakness. He can’t. He cannot think outside of the box—he cannot believe in things beyond the course of leading a “normal” everyday life: college, law school, meet someone, pass bar exam, great job, start paying off debt, eventually have kids and the house and a dog. He’s good for all that stuff—the regular everyday achievements. But I just cannot tell you; I don’t know how to explain it in words, but he simply just cannot comprehend what it is to have a larger dream, and take what is a mere image in the mind of a dreamer, and to make that dream become a reality. I cannot blame him or fault him; very few people can do that. But I can remove myself from the situation, and find a new psychologist who does understand. Or maybe I won’t be able to find one, who knows? But it’s not going to stop me from trying.
So I don’t know…you can call me crazy if you want! But things are starting to get silly here! I am telling you—from the bottom of my heart, that I can feel the Universe shifting. And I have no idea exactly where it will end up taking me, but I have a good feeling about it and look forward to finding out.