Reflection from May 3rd, 2008 @ Age 26
RE: THE ARTISTS’ SACRIFICE.
I had a rough night last night and took a lot of medication for it, but I feel better today except I feel a little slow — kinda tired and like my body is made of bricks. Every motion requires concerted effort.
Anyways, Christopher and Aaliyah and the baby were over here today and when mom and dad were tending to the baby I told Chris and Aaliyah about my idea for this book, and how the purpose would be to shed light on a hugely misunderstood illness. They asked me if I would mind sharing all that information with the public and I said no because no.1 — I will edit out and change what needs to be changed, and no.2 — all the rest I would publish would be for the greater good of all mankind (or at least those who are interested). They told me that would be a really brave endeavor, especially if I use my name as the author. I think they are right. I think it would require a huge amount of courage to open myself up mentally and emotionally and share it with whomever is interested in this world. I would be opening myself up into a hugely vulnerable position—but isn’t that what all real art requires? An opening up of self to portray the beauty and passion that lies within? I believe so, and slowly but surely I am approaching my goal. Slowly but surely I am reaching up to the place in which I am most able to help others. Slowly but surely—I am becoming me.
So, it’s nice to know that Chris and Aaliyah don’t seem to think that I am delusional about writing this book though. It’s so hard to tell the difference sometimes between what is feasible, and what is just completely unattainable.