Reflection from January 27th, 2009 @ Age 27
RE: FINDING NEW MEANING IN OLD STRICTURES.
I’m trying to find ways to not be pissed at myself for getting this damn Star of David branded to my foot. It does look good there—I just can’t keep from thinking that I’m wearing the flag to a team I don’t necessarily even represent. I mean, as far as Judaism goes, I’m neither here nor there. I really don’t take to it, but I don’t not take to it either. And I really do, in a sense, like the intrinsic meaning it has to me—notably evidencing my undying love for my first love (although that’s now, waning too). But just the fact that everyone else in this entire world is going to attribute the symbol to mean that I am Jewish makes me a little squeamish. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before…I really wish I would have now. Or at least put this stupid Star someplace more inconspicuous. So anyways, I’m trying to find reasons why I still like it so that I don’t completely flip out for being so stupid as to thinking that I actually wanted to brand myself to fucking David Magoon for the rest of my god-given life. The fucking asshole. It’s a tenant to all the assholes I’ve dated in my life and maybe now it symbolizes my release therefrom. See, that’s nice. That’s a nice fluffy idea I can sip on through breakfast. Anyways, that’s what’s been on my mind.
What I was going to say earlier before I got sidetracked…my mom was telling me that the Jews over in Israel or some such place have been bombing people of some such other religion or something of the sort—conduct of which I absolutely, positively, most abominably object to. I don’t believe in violence; at least as much as is humanly possible, I don’t believe in the use of violence to solve problems. Now I do realize that you have to live in a pretty fucking civilized society to even make that assertion—but as much as is humanly so, I object to violence. And the fact that some people could look at my little religion toting flag and associate me with these bombers makes me sick. But alas, life is messy and imperfect and how we get along amongst the imperfection is what truly defines us.