Reflection from March 24th, 2012 @ Age 30
RE: THE PATH OF LIFE — AND MONEY’S EFFECT UPON IT.
“I find that the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.”
–Oliver Wendall Holmes
Cooper went out last night to hang out with his “fraternity” friends, hah! I guess fraternity says it all, at least as I think of it now. I get so mad, so often, that he even wastes his time on these people, and I think he finally saw why last night. I have to get working on CB again, but here was the gist of our conversation:
First, a caveat—this, I’m sure, does not apply to all people in all ways, but, that aside—this is in fact, generally the case:
These people talk incessantly about money. They are obsessed with it, and what’s worse is that they don’t really even have a lot of it. They honestly (per Cooper) (and my experiences with them as well) sit around and talk all fucking day long about money—what other people do with it, what they would do with it, how they’d quit working and spend it all if they had it, all the fancy things they would buy with it, etc., etc., literally, etc.
So anyways, Cooper always comes home feeling shitty about himself because their entire focus revolves around money—that of which, at this point in time anyways, we do not have all that much (i.e. none at all if you factor my student loans into the mix). So anyways, Cooper’s always feeling like he’s so far behind because he isn’t a manager yet, and doesn’t have all the money yet, and all these other people seem to do. And I am always trying to tell him that he just has to stay focused on what he really wants and not pay attention to what other people are doing in the meantime. But obviously I’ve been there and I know how difficult that is—especially when you’re in a moment when you have no idea how what you “really want” could be worth more than the tangible reality that could be now i.e. buying lots of stupid shit and going on fancy vacations and essentially, being completely distracted by the intoxication that is money.
So, then Cooper told me that he even went as far to tell them that he actually has the money to pay off my student loans but is choosing not to at this point, he said, so that they would think that he has the “choice”. That was the last straw — I really do try to keep my mouth shut when I feel it would be best, but I suppose that this was the exception, good or bad.
I told him, I said Cooper, this is the exact reason why I loathe when you choose to hang out with these people. They talk about money and are ridiculously obsessed with it because they have been sucked into its black hole and quite frankly, probably don’t even know when or how that would have even happened. And honestly, when each of them got sucked in is beyond me and I really don’t care to waste my words on it, but suffice it to say, at some point in time, they all were sucked in and now that is where they stay.
On top of that, I told him, you are different than these people. You think about things that these people don’t even have the capacity to understand—they are simple and shallow and without depth. (Again-see caveat, but mostly this is true.)
The level of consciousness upon which these people function is completely different than the level upon which we choose to tread. It’s the classic case, clique in high school, everyone is exactly the same, and not because everyone is exactly the same, but because all of these people have a need to be like everyone else, for whatever reason—I suppose it provides some kind of sick security or tragic comfort. Anyway, I told Cooper, the problem with these people is that in the beginning, they see no harm in altering the way they are just enough so that they can portray to others the persona in which they would like to be perceived.
The problem then becomes the fact that, over time it happens that these people lose who they really are because they begin to actually believe, as time passes, that they are this fake image that they are presenting to the world as their “true” selves. And then the whole thing just gets all fucked up from there, I really have to go work on CB, I’m going to try to wrap this up quickly. (Agh my anxiety is rising…)
Anyways, eventually, they get lost in this fantasy world filled with money and images and shiny multicolored objects. They fall into the abyss that the evil of money creates, and they become distracted and cannot focus and often cannot even tell how or when it happened that they arrived there in the first place. And then, ten, twenty, thirty some years down the road, they finally do realize what has happened to them and it’s too late for them to get out. It is not untrue what they say—that money is the source of all evil.
And then they are trapped and frantic and angry and become mean, they hate and they are jaded and become judgmental and exclusive because they cannot stand to be around anyone who was ever capable and aware enough to not fall into this hellhole where they find themselves. It hurts them and all they find is darkness all around, and then they too, turn to evil for help.
So anyways, that’s kind of the idea, obviously I didn’t speak about it quite like that with Cooper, but that’s the general idea (slightly dramatized). Point is simply this, I told Cooper, their mentality is horrible for people like us to be around—all it does is bring us pain and distracts us from who we are really trying to be. And when I say “we”, I’m talking about the select chosen few who were lucky enough to have born with the capability of extreme conscious awareness and had the fortunate opportunity to learn all of this subconsciously before money was able to envelope us in its deceitfully evil noose.