Reflection from January 11th, 2013 @ Age 31
RE: A SHOUT OUT — TO WHOMEVER SAID THIS WORLD IS A FAIR PLACE…
You know, I was really really pissed at Sharon the other day, just knowing the satisfaction she would be getting out of my pay cut. It just really f@#king irked me if you know what that means. But this morning I’ve been thinking about it, and this is what I’ve come to decide:
Yes, Sharon will have her satisfaction in my pay cut, that is so — it just is what it is. But then again, I think we all from time to time at least, have the need to feel the world is an intrinsically fair place. And so then I thought, well, though I have been supremely irritated with the situation, with my pay cut and of course with Sharon not having to have a chronic illness on top of it — rather than thinking Sharon’s just some bitch — I thought you know, because of my illness I have things of value that far outweigh any measure of richness Sharon will ever see. And because I am smart and intrinsically motivated, I really don’t have to worry about the money thing; it’s coming. I know that. It’s hard to trust, you know that now too. But I know it. As sure as a human being could ever be, I am sure that I need not worry about the money; it is coming, and will come in amounts so vast I won’t have to worry about it for the rest of my days. It is coming, and I will be fine. So really then, what am I complaining about?
Made me stop and think. And, felt good. I felt good. I feel good. I’m going to be way late to work now, but the beauty of the pay cut is that now I can be late and not feel guilty about it because Gordon did that. He did that for me. The situation just happens to be so specifically as it is, I have the time now to work on my writing, I have the money to pay my bills (err…maybe, almost in any case) and the lack of money to fulfill my focus fully. I have a gym membership, I have great doctors, I have just the best family in the entire world (and that, of course, includes Lainey). Life is good. It’s so funny, isn’t it? How when you have nothing, you actually have everything.
And so it seems life becomes intrinsically fair to those who affirmatively act to make this world a fair place. It’s the same thing as karma I suppose, but in my own wordsy words.