Reflection from September 15th, 2007 @ Age 26


I find it irritating how so many people, including myself in former years, bless god in good circumstance and damn him in bad.  I think, in this scenario, the point is completely missed.  There one day and gone the next.  We all will be here one day and gone the next.  Without exception we all shall die.  And David, in fact, already has.  It’s funny how life and even the circumstances of life, can be so totally devoid of all meaning or more full of meaning than you ever could have hoped for, all depending upon the perspective you choose to take.  I think it’s more a question of to believe or not to believe, then to be or not to be that is the question.

4 thoughts on “ON HUMAN BELIEF IN A HIGHER POWER — And Its Only Implication.

  1. Pingback: ON THE CULTIVATION OF LOVE — Learning To Keep Her, But To Also Release The Remainder. | THE CULTIVATION OF BEAUTY

    • Ahh boy…that’s a great question ;0) It’s kind of a long story, but when it came down to it, what I found to be true was this:

      What we “know” is actually very little, ever-changing, and grows infinitesimally smaller as enlightenment looms near. I believe human beings are part-animal and part-spiritual being. I believe our animalistic side associates with material circumstance, and that our spiritual side associates with the “sixth” sense — with some of us falling more in “touch” with one side versus the other for various reasons.

      I read a book called “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl earlier this year (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning), in the first section of which Dr. Frankl details his harrowing experience as a Nazi concentration camp prisoner. The physical torture was apparent, but what I found particularly interesting was Dr. Frankl’s description of the psychological suffering endured from his perspective as a psychiatrist. The parallels between the psychological suffering imposed by the Nazi’s upon their prisoners, and by this American society upon its “seriously mentally ill” population, are uncanny. Happening upon the book and reading it through this past winter was a blessing, given my evolving status as a mental-health legislative-advocate (http://janesaysrise.com/) during that same time period.

      In learning to endure what still often seems might be endless psychological suffering caused by external sociological oppression, I happened upon great fortune whilst rummaging around in the psychological wilderness of darkness. Sometimes there is nothing more to hope in, circumstantially speaking, except an undying blind faith in love and an ongoing prayer for acceptance. Acceptance of circumstances as they are, which destabilizes fear within and mobilizes thought-production, which then fuels creativity in light of hope for a brighter future (AKA spiritual enlightenment, AKA release from psychological suffering).

      It’s a cyclical process which seems to evolve forward upon waves of enlightenment. It kind of feels like drowning, until I find my balloon of hope in the darkness (i.e. under the water), which then burgeons me upward towards the surface. When I reach the surface, I gasp out to breathe in the air, I feel the warmth of the sun on my skin (i.e. enlightenment), it’s very beautiful, and then I start sinking again. The water rushes over my head and pushes me back down into the darkness, wherein I inevitably once more, find myself wandering. And so I wander and I wander and I ponder thought all the while, and I feel the cold dampness of a seeming, never-ending misery seep in all around. But then I see a spark…and I chase it with all my might–I mean, like, I hustle as you’ve never seen a human being hustle before ;0) And I find my hope, and it brings me back up into the light, where I’m then able to breathe again, at least one time more.

      I don’t know…it’s very difficult to explain, and my words feel wretched, trying to scrape them together here for you so quickly ;0/ But that’s the gist of it–it’s just a very very slow and ever-ongoing process. One which notably feels very depressing now that I’ve put it down into writing…

      I’m actually in the darkness now, but just saw a hint of light…

      Let me ponder it awhile, and see if I can’t bring you back up with me into the light…


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