ON KNOWING NOTHING — Really Means Knowing *Everything*

Reflection from April 30th, 2012 @ Age 30


Truth is—I don’t think “what I want” is to go fly off into outer space in celebrity land or what the fuck ever may or may not happen in that regard.  I want a home, I want a life of my own, not a life for others.  I want a real life that I can write about, that I can participate in and that allows me to relate to others and others to relate to me

So, I don’t know where that leaves me in terms of anything really, with Cooper or anything else.  I just thought it worthy to say, at the very least.


Just stopped to take the time, upon reading 10/23/2008, to format it and send a copy to Lainey via email just now.  It makes me really just anxious as hell because it’s now almost 4pm and I’m still not done with part 4 of section 3 of my Cultivating Beauty draft.  Which means more if you knew that I started with section 3 and pretty much still have all the other sections to go blah blah blah.

But, makes me anxious but I think I can live with it all the same, because I think it was important to send that email with that entry to Lainey.  I can’t tell you why it is important that I sent it to her, or that I send it today at this particular time or why that entry was the most important entry to send her or whatever.  I can’t tell you any of that bullshit—I’ll be the first to admit it.  But I can tell you one thing and that one thing’s for sure—there’s a reason why I just happened to read that entry now, and that it just happened to mention Lainey as it does in the context in which it relates on that particular 23rd day of October back from 2008, and that I just felt so compelled as to stop right in the middle of my busy schedule on my quickly draining time clock to format and send the entry over ASAP on this April 30th, 2012 day at this particular time, etc., etc., etc.

I cannot tell you what the reason is—but I can tell you for goddamn surely and without a motherfucking doubt, there is a reason, and that reason is not only important, it is essential to furthering something else in this Universe that somehow one way or another has to do with all of fate, destiny and chance.

For surely and without doubt, I know this is the truth.


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