Reflection from February 5th, 2008 @ Age 26
RE: THE INTERCONNECTIVITY BETWEEN PSYCHOLOGICAL SUFFERING AND THE COLLECTIVE CONSCIENCE.
Saved by the Bell. I forgot Saved by the Bell in my daily routine…I watch it, or rather listen to it, in the mornings while I’m getting ready for work. It kind of depresses me that I’m this old and watching TV shows of students in damn high school, but I’d much rather watch Saved by the Bell, let me tell you, than the damn ‘ol depressing news.
This morning I can honestly say, I know what it feels like to want to hurt other people. I am hurting, I’ve been damn hurting most of my life, and see people like fucking Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp who are fucking happy and it makes me sick. I don’t know, I don’t really want to hurt them myself you know, but I do want to know that they too have to endure pain and suffering as do I. As if capitalism isn’t cruel and unfair enough. If I have to suffer my own consciousness every day, you’re damn straight I want to know that other people, too, must suffer theirs. I’d still support suicide of a suffering person over violence against others. I think if I found it absolutely necessary to hurt someone, to kill someone, I think the world would be much better off if I just killed myself. I wonder how anyone could see differently? I can only suspect they would in their selfish self-centered judgmental states in which they’re perfectly willing to judge but also perfectly unwilling to help, and even in the case that they are, they’re only willing to help in proportion to the relation of their own convenience. I completely understand, in this moment, how a human being could want to see others suffering harm. It’s not because a person wants to harm another human being, I don’t think. Rather, it’s to know that we are not suffering alone. Makes perfect damn sense to me.