Reflection from November 16th, 2011 @ Age 30
RE: THE BEAT OF MY OWN DRUM.
I’m feeling better today. Charity announced on FB yesterday that she’s having a 2nd daughter; kind of ripped me up inside. But I’m listening to Christmas music, finding new music to listen to, focusing on the book (I’m going to work on it here just any minute!), focusing on my wonderful family that I love so much and have so near and who are so supportive, etc., etc. It’s still hard sometimes, feeling like I’m always the one who’s behind, but it’s not so bad, and once I finish the book and get published it’ll all make sense I am sure. I am sure of it. I just need to keep working towards my goals and that’s it. I need to get motivated, get on a schedule, and get this motherfucking book done once and for all!
And in any case, what kind of accomplishment is it to get married and make a lot of money doing evil and having lots of babies anyways? It’s not like any of that is even unique or extraordinary in the slightest sense so c’mon Maris…let’s get real here. You’re taking your time, you’re taking longer, because you’re building something beyond the ordinary, above and beyond what is expected or even hoped for. You’re special and you are building something that will help heal people, help people understand others, help people see the evil in this world, etc., etc. I mean, what more could I ask for? It takes time, but it will not take forever, and I have the power to make it happen at almost any pace I want. So really, it doesn’t get much better than this ;0)