ON REFLECTIONS — In The Darkness.

Reflection from April 7th, 2014 @ Age 32

RE:  GOOD & EVIL.

I have to go do the dishes before dad gets home, but I just wanted to jot down quick that I dreamt in color of Lindsay Lowa last night.  It was bizarre..

We were in this high rise, and the walls were all windows…just windows facing out to clear skies.  I don’t remember it being sunny or cloudy, neither at all — just clear skies…blue as can be and clear as the night…

So I was there, it was like an apartment or something—like a living space or something, but not mine, I don’t know if it was hers or what.  But I was there and, well..

The dream began and I was there and I didn’t know why or feel like I had anything pressing to do or anything like that—I didn’t really even know where I was; I just kept looking out the windows, marveling at the clear skies.  Then LL came in with a bunch of other people who soon thereafter left—I can’t remember if they saw me and that’s why or what, I have no idea.  I can’t remember now..

But they left, and then it was she and I, and somehow it ended up with me tackling her on the ground and staring her straight into her face and screaming to her “you don’t care about human BEINGS!!!!!!!” and that was about it.  Then I woke up, and I wasn’t scared at all, I was a little surprised (i.e. a teeny, tiny bit slightly shocked); but I wasn’t frightened—it just kind of all made sense.  I mean, not intellectually—intellectually I have no f’ing clue what the hell…

I mean your guess would be a good as mine I suppose there, perhaps—but, it just felt right you know?  Like it felt like something was finally right about this situation—or righted, I guess the word would be.  I’m pretty sure she’s just symbolic you know—ohh that reminds me…

I did wake up a bit startled, because when I awoke, it was to the reminder of all the bad memories I have in my mind as to the multitude of ways in which other human beings have treated me with great cruelty in my life, LL of course—being the queen of cruelty.  So there you have it, I suppose.  It was kind of sad really now that I think about it.  You know, like this bittersweet melancholy which is my favorite emotion but at the same time—sounding also too, very much like some kind of vegetable.

So anyways, I did a video post earlier today for Jane Says and posted it without watching it first.  I don’t know what that means.  I have to go do the dishes and then come back upstairs and watch it and see what in the damn hell I said…

I’m sure it’s all fine because I was conscious and all as I was doing it…but all the same—I should watch it from the outside too, just to be safe…

Later

Ohh yeah…one more thing, well—two…

“Seriously mentally-ill” people exist “outside of the box”; whereas “normal” people exist within it.  Also, in regard to the ADD/ADHD, it’s kind of like if you lived in eternal darkness, but every once in a great while saw a lightening bug here or there.  It’d be like, well, what is that?  Is there more light where that came from?  Where did that light come from?  Was it a signal?  Ohh my god…was it the beginning of an S.O.S. signal such that somebody may need my help?  I better keep an eye out and carefully watch if I see any more and so on and so forth, etc. etc.  It’s kind of like that.  The darkness is just kind of always there, but every once in awhile I get flashes of light, or clear thought, or bolts of lightning genius ideas from the Universe — whatever you want to call it…

But that’s kind of what it’s like, just FYI…to expand upon later…

Xoxxo,

Maris

Thoughts?

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