ON LEARNING — How To Be Grateful For The Gifts With Which I Was Blessed.

Reflection from August 31st, 2008 @ Age 27

RE:  WHEN MONEY IS NEVER ENOUGH—AND IT *DOESN’T* MATTER ;0)

The family just left.  It was a really nice little get together but I drank too much wine and now my head hurts.  I was thinking today how JenJen said to me once that I was charming.  Apparently I had charmed her DC friends up and isn’t it nice when it turns out you’re something desirable but didn’t even have to try in the first place? 

I keep wondering whether this book thing could really work out.  I’ve just started my second read through and I’ve been reading how I used to think that I dreamt big, but that I dreamt too big.  I wonder if that’s still the case.  The crazy part is, I really don’t think that it is.  It’s crazy to think, I know, that one day people off any street will know my name and know of my mind and of its beauty.  I really do think that it’s possible, but it is dreaming big and this I know.  I’ve always been a big dreamer, this I know.  I’ve always felt that at some point in my life I would be famous, this I know.  I’ve never known how though; I’ve never known what would catapult me into this foreign hemisphere—but now, I know.  Now I know that it is my writing, it is my mind that will take me there.  I just think that if the girl I read about who began these journals way-back-when can get into and graduate from law school—then really quite frankly, anything is possible.  But now I know how.  My beautiful mind will take me there.  My overarching sadness will entrance and envelope and my life will become that which I’ve always dreamed of.  My life will finally be my own.  And I’ll be the one who made it all happen.

Later

Alright, you know how being around people with money always makes it that much more obvious that I don’t have any?  Well I wonder if it works the same with character.  As in, if you’re a person without character, I wonder if that becomes all the more obvious when you’re in the presence of a person who not only has character—but a person who overflows with character.  I wonder if it makes it more difficult for the spineless person to be around those with character, supposing that character is what they want in the first place.

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