ON THE BEHAVIORAL MANIFESTATION — Of Ongoing Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Reflection from May 9th, 2011 @ Age 29

RE:  THE DARKNESS LURKING IN MY SUBCONSCIOUS.

I can’t concentrate.  I’m really excited for several reasons, but the most being that Dr. L called back and said that I can start taking half my dose of Abilify which should help me feel more energized!  Which would be awesome!  So I’m really excited about that.

Lee still hasn’t written back, but I’m caring less now about the whole thing so that’s good.  If my brother-in-law thinks I’m lame because I care and want to help him feel better—even if I do so in a less than perfect way, then he’s pretty lame himself.  No, he’s not lame even if he thinks that.  I think he would just be too young (25) to appreciate what I’m trying to do.  Which is totally fine.  I’ll just let him be.  Let things fall where they may and all of that nonsense ;0)

I started looking up travel information on the places in Europe we are going to go (we = Adam and I).  I couldn’t be more excited still!  Lol, I told Adam this wasn’t a vacation because it will involve too much work (unlike laying on the beach in Key West which will, incidentally, be a vacation).  So I am making him call it our European Adventure ;0)  I’m just so excited, and what perfect timing!  It just couldn’t be better.  I can’t wait.

Other than that, I met with Paul today and he said I’m doing a really good job on the website and that things are okay at the office—we’re ahead on most things, which is good because we will be all set when we get a wave of new work.  We got a new estate too, which is good.  It’s a start.  And I have the website to work on and the Won litigation is about to light on fire, so I think it’s almost kind of good in a way that we don’t have a ton of things going on right now.  I mean, it’s kind of like it’s meant to be so that we can get this other shit done in the meantime, you know?  Ohh meant to be!  How can it be so?

I tell you though, I’m just so excited to go to Europe—and with Adam!  As husband and wife!  Right before (hopefully) we get pregnant and buy a house and really settle down.  I’m telling you—it’s just meant to be!  Unless of course we die on the plane ride over there or Adam catches a rare virus or bacteria and dies, or I get kidnapped and raped—but I’m sure it will all be just fine, and that none of the above are going to happen.  People go to Europe all the time and we will be smart and safe and drink liquids that come from airtight bottles, and we will wear our little inner-fanny-packs next to our underwear, and we will be just fine.  The plane ride will be fine, I will not get lost or kidnapped or raped; Adam will not die, we will not get mugged or pick-pocketed—we will be safe and it will be wonderful!  Ohh how I am so very excited!!!

Thoughts?

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