Reflection from December 16th, 2012 @ Age 31
RE: LEARNING HOW TO WORK THE *WHOLE* SHOW.
Been up since 3:38am. I sent my divorce attorney the third email of the weekend at 4:55am. I am so sick of thinking about that stupid shit, I initially told him $20K plus $15K rollover IRA, but then I changed my mind and told him just this morning that I want $30,000 to finish this up by the end of the year. I don’t have time to review the stupid fucking financial documents Adam got to me last Friday finally, and that’s only like half of the records he was supposed to produce (unofficially, but still). I mean, these are documents we asked for halfway through October, and he waits until halfway through December, less than two fucking weeks before Christmas for gods sake, to provide this stupid documentation to me. I don’t know what the hell he’s thinking. I mean, I have absolutely no qualms with keeping this thing dragged out until I can find definite health insurance at a new job. And even then, what the hell do I care if he’s just building his 401K, one-half to me, every month that goes by. What an asshole.
It’s been overtaking my focus, true, which I hate, but I had to figure out what the hell he’s been up to (tax harvesting) and where his money is going (he refused to provide his checking account statements, or at least, has yet to still). I got so angry, let me tell you. I thought he was hiding money in his ING account, and so I requested all of this documentation from him, and turns out he really was just using his ING for a stupid savings account. And I requested all two years worth of his stupid brokerage account statements, reviewed every single one, and don’t you know? There were not any huge withdrawals either, at least, not ones that he hadn’t previously (almost) accounted for, from his brokerage account. So then I was all thinking great, this bitch of an attorney he has and now my attorney as well, both know I am bipolar and both probably now think I am crazy as well. And I swear to you I thought Adam intended that consequence, like he was laughing his little pants off all the way to Peoria to his Grandma Crumrine’s funeral. It’s sick, I know. But then again, so is he. So who knows, I don’t really fucking care.
I was nice and sent a sympathy card to Adam, and even too, to his asshole and bitch pair of parents. Well, that, and I sent Adam a very heartfelt email about the things I remembered about her that I loved, and it was very nice. More than he deserves, by a long shot. But he is a human being, and as such, I am committed as best I can to treating him as humanely and with as great an amount of compassion as I am capable of conjuring up for that moron. Ugh. What an asshole! Anyways…
Today is Sunday. I have to go to work tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to it. Paul, of course, got all revved up Friday afternoon and was still going strong at 4:30pm when I decided to just leave. I didn’t care, words I will eat if I get fired. But I really do just hate it there, and so very much strongly dislike good ‘ol emotionally abusive Paul. I just can’t stand it sometimes!! So anyways, I just left. But, as I was leaving, he was on the phone with some guy trying to figure out if I can represent him in an action to admit a copy of a Will to probate. I was like, great. And, c’mon Huntington!! Speaking of Huntington…
I have interviewed with three people from there now: Andy, the head of the wealth management department, before Thanksgiving; Ann, trust officer in the wealth management department, two weeks after Thanksgiving; and Karen, team leader in the department and boss of Ann, I believe now, two weeks ago. Great. I didn’t realize two weeks had already passed by! Err wait…no, no no, it was just one week ago. Well anyways, Ann belongs to this stupid Worthington Estate Planning Council, and she invited me to come with her to the December 2012 meeting at which a Huntington economist is speaking on the panel. So I said I would love to go, and I meant it. I also said I know I’d heard of that group before, but I could not remember from where.
So anyways, I eventually recalled that it was from Paul, who knows the guy who runs it, and likely several of the member attorneys that attend as well. So I told Ann I wasn’t sure it would be the greatest idea for me to go because Paul doesn’t know I’m looking for other jobs, and I want to be the one to tell him, but not until I find a definite position to be hired into. And so then she wrote back (what I felt was) a snotty email saying “well, I believe that you should attend for your own professional development and wellbeing some such and the other, and that if you really believe that attending would horribly jeopardize your relationship with Paul, then I suppose, maybe, I could understand.” Or some snotty ass bullshit like that. It greatly annoyed me.
So, following Saturday (or something like that), I met with her boss Karen, never having responded back to Ann in the meantime. Karen was much more understanding and tactful, just saying perhaps I should just attend, not as anyone’s guest. And I said hmm…sounds like a great idea. And then I contacted the group and that’s just what I’m going to do. But when I was on their website, I saw that Ann had already RSVP’d to attend and bring both Andy and Karen, and then some other guy as well that I should probably look up on LinkedIn. So that’s my last opportunity to impress right there. It’s pretty fortunate too, as I don’t think I left a particularly strong impression with Karen last weekend. I think she really liked me and all, but I don’t think I came off as particularly strong and confident. It was really gray and rainy and cold outside on a Saturday morning in Powell at the stupid Panera and, I just wasn’t on that day. I was flubbing around all over the goddamn place with my words, not articulate at all. Or at least, I didn’t feel very articulate; it’s so goddamned hard to tell what impressions other people form of me. I just know I didn’t feel confident at all, so it’s very fortunate to have this additional opportunity to impress, especially with all three of them there. I’m not sure if it will be awkward or come smoothly or what, but I do know I am very thankful for the chance. As luck would have it.
Which brings us, of course, to my wardrobe considerations. I actually have it all planned out already (hah…as if I wouldn’t!). I am wearing my new navy blue suit from Banana Republic—it’s kind of like a tweedish material, except not really, it just has blue and grey and black all mixed in, but comes off as a soft navy and it’s really pretty. It’s sexy as hell too. Which is funny, because the suit coat is a little longer, and the pants aren’t tight or anything—but man do I feel like Julia Roberts in that black suit from Pretty Woman! I love it! It’s so fun, and I got this cream colored little V-neck shell to go under it, but it’s “pleated”, that’s what Banana called it, but it’s like ribbed kind of, or something like that, so it’s not plain and boring, but very interesting and soft and surprisingly beautiful on me under this suit. You should see it, it’s really just stunning. So funny to say about a suit!
So anyways, I have those things, and then I’m going to wear my new little black booties that I got from Aldo, which match perfectly, cover up my David’s tattoo, and keep my feet warm, which is always nice. And then, of course, hah! I have my new creamy tan trench coat from this LadyBird store downtown in the Short North, it was on clearance for $200! It’s this brand called “Capulet” too, which of course, reminds me of my Romeo ;0)
So there you have it—new blue suit, new cream shell, new black booties, new trench coat, and you guessed it…new Cole Haan handbag to match. Yes, I know. I know, I know, I know! But you should see this handbag!!!!! It’s like this creamish color with these kind of goldish splotches mixed in, so it really comes out to be a tannish color. It looks kind of like the shape of a Birkin bag, and this is the best part…when you open it up, either the back pocket, or the main purse section itself, it is this deep, deep burgundy wine colored plum purple, and the contrast with the creamy goldish tan outside is just phenom. It’s stunning (too). So there you have it, ohh I don’t even want to know!! Let me tell you, I’ll be honest:
$200 + 30 + 130 + 200 + 175 = only, yep, only $735. My outfit for this Wednesday is a brand new 735 dollar one. It’s so stupid. I just wanted that handbag on top of all the rest because it was so beautiful with that plum gorgeous, because the black Badgley Mischka bag I’m getting for Christmas is my only gift under the tree (so I clearly couldn’t take it out from under that tree before Christmas!!), etc., etc. That, and then, because I’m planning on a settlement with Adam, which, at a $30,000 request, I’m not sure I’ll be having. But if he wants his way, then so do I. The stupid asshole. So we’ll see what happens.
And I suppose that brings us round full circle here, on this particularly gray Sunday morning at Starbucks. On the brighter side, I am back down to 134 pounds (whew!), and I am babysitting little Miss Arianna at 10am all by myself for the very first time! It got me to thinking how the last time I babysat Bryce all by myself was when he was two, and Adam came over, and then he stole me away for almost 3 years. Well, not anymore. So keep your fingers crossed for that 30 grand. I’m hoping it’s in time to take my family out for a Christmas Dinner at good ol’ Hyde Park. I loved that tradition with him. Have to replace it somehow, at least the first holiday out of the bag. So c’mon…luck be a lady in red! Or at least a vision in blue ;0) Whichever you’d prefer.
I am very fortunate to have fallen in love so many times in my life. Most people get maybe one or two tries, if any at all. I’ve had four to date and one left to go.
I will fall in love one more time in my life, and that time, it will be the love of my life. And lucky for me (or, rather, you too), I will finally have the words to tell you what it means.
Got a text from Adam today around 1:30pm, containing a picture of one of the many items he “forgot” to return to me, saying something very stupid, like “oops…must’ve missed this,” “I’ll have to return it to you soon!” I really just honest to god have no idea what in the world is wrong with him sometimes. At a time like right now! Why in the world he would remind me of all the fucking shit he failed to return to me (but had previously promised that he would). I just don’t get it! I have absolutely, positively no fucking clue!! It’s the strangest goddamned thing I’ve ever encountered in my entire life I think, with the one sole exception of the peculiarity that was David Magoon. Ahh…my David…my dopey baby David.
I’m not sure I have a whole lot to say about it, but although Adam had his less than astute moments, some were pretty great. Like the time I asked him why anyone at all would want to be friends with someone as weird and different as me. He said to me then, “because you make people feel special,” perhaps the most wonderful observation and compliment I’ve received yet.