ON LIVING — In A Society That Values Money Above All Else.

Reflection from December 28th, 2007 @ Age 26

RE:  THE NEED TO ESCAPE FROM A PROFIT-DRIVEN LIFE.

Well I was alright there for a day—Christmas Day, I was even almost the entire day, but man do I feel depressed now.  No wonder…it’s back to reality.  I almost hate the holidays just because returning to reality after them is so fucking depressing.  Unless of course you have a boss that doesn’t even give you the day before Christmas/New Years off, which I thankfully do not, but in that case the holidays would just be depressing knowing you barely get to enjoy the holiday because you don’t get any time to.

I’m terribly worried about my parents.  My mom’s six-month temp job goes through the end of March which I suppose is still a bit of time away, but I don’t know what the fuck they’re gonna do after that.  I guess we’re fine until the end of March, and then they’ll have to figure out where to go from there.  I’m contributing $100 a month for food to them now, so maybe that will help a little.  Barely I’m sure, but whatever—I can hardly pay my fucking bills as it is.  I don’t know what I’m gonna do at the end of March when the rest of my school loans come back into repayment.  I’ll be surprised if I can make my fucking payments.  I estimate they’ll be around $1,000—$1,200/month.  So that, with $225/month for my car, plus dental insurance, eye insurance, car insurance, gasoline, prescriptions…I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do in three short months.  I can’t even think about it or I want to kill myself.