Reflection from November 23rd, 2012 @ Age 31
RE: LEARNING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE.
I’m sitting here Black Friday shopping (for nothing) on my computer and, think of Revolve—which I haven’t thought of for some time. So I get on the website and end up creating a new boutique for myself, with all of my favorite designers—and I’m browsing and I’m browsing and I begin to remember how much fun it was, when I was browsing for our honeymoon.
I don’t know where he gets off thinking he can just text me and be nice to me on Thanksgiving. Like, now? Why now? Why can’t you remember that often enough, to keep from being a total a$$hole to me a$$hole? Like, for example, when you said to me a week and a half ago, “So, you want half of my savings because you drove out to Pittsburgh a couple of times?” Like I said. I just don’t know where he gets off…because he’s having a horrible Thanksgiving with his horrible family filled of horrible people? Is that it? Is that what he thinks—gives him the right, to intrude on my wonderful Thanksgiving with my wonderful family that he’s missing because he’s not with us? After all the horrible things he’s done to me and still, he disrespects me time and time again.
I did actually, have a really great Thanksgiving yesterday. I got up and played with D—took him to get Starbucks with me. Then drove over to Andy and Rach’s house to see them and the kiddies. Then drove back to Ma and Pop’s and John and Lainey came over for brunch. And it was, really fun! And then they left, and I got ready for our dinner at Ella (since Ma couldn’t cook this year, and no one else volunteered) (i.e. yours truly…notably, because she has no place of her own within which to cook) (although to be fair, I could probably have done so at Mom and Dad’s here, but it’s just not the same when it isn’t in your own kitchen) (…err, so I would imagine, in any case), and it was kind of nice. I put my hair up in a million bobby pins high, like Kara D’s used to go—I got my red Stila lip gloss on, my green sweater dress from last year which is still super cute BTW (surprisingly, I know!), black leggings and my new skyscraper wedge heels from Aldo. My (color) matching leaf purse. Key West. And here I am, thinking of him. Just like yesterday. Just like when I cried, yesterday—the few moments, stolen for myself. Stolen for me, myself and I.
So anyways, we went to Ella for a pretty horrendous Thanksgiving dinner (comparatively speaking, to Mama’s)—but, it really was a great time. And except for a few choice moments when John and Lainey were so cute it almost made me puke (but for my own circumstances, is all)—it really just was all around a great time. I love my family, Lainey included. My family is the one thing I am most grateful and thankful for in this entire lifetime that I have lived ‘til now. The one and only—perhaps a few things otherwise, came close. But nothing has topped my wonderful family. It’d be hard to, really—given it keeps getting better and better over time, to boot.
And so this is entirely mish moshed brain splashed garbage (or beauty) that is bleeding out onto these pages. Typewritten, of course. But really, in the end, what difference does it make anyways?
I wore my leaf purse from Key West. It was the only one that matched my outfit yesterday for dinner. I love that purse. I loved it so much more then, even. I was so excited then, for our honeymoon.
Sigh. This is horrible writing. I feel like every time I have said that in the past—it’s turned out to be, the most beautiful yet. But I’m pretty sure this is pretty horrible writing this time. I just don’t really know what to say, how to say it—where to take it, and the list just goes on.
Dietrich’s sleeping now; I have to give him a bath today. The Christmas lights are up in the neighborhood—or at least, have begun to go up. Should make for some nice dog walking time in the early mornings and late evenings, by myself—with Dietrich of course, but all the same by myself.
I dream of Delilah (Dietrich’s King Charles Cavalier sister, to be) and the man who will be her father—who will adopt Dietrich and we’ll get together before we get married, to make sure our relationship can withstand a puppy before a child gets involved. I think of my baby girls. Anastasia Satine and Halle Francesca—although I’m not really dead set on Halle, and I still waver on Satine as well. Anastasia and Francesca are pretty set in stone now, though—I think Francesca will be the oldest, Anastasia part of the twin set. I don’t know what their brother’s name will be, yet. And I don’t know the sex of the fourth yet, either. It should be fun…if it ever happens. I’m sure it will, it’s just hard to see right now how it possibly could.
Ain’t that how all great things start, though? I’m pretty sure it’s true.