ON MORTALITY & GOD – Questioning the Powers of the Universe

REFLECTION FROM APRIL 27TH, 2002 @ AGE 20

RE:  THE POTENTIAL FOR HUMANITY AT LARGE.

Okay, I am just going to get all this stuff out of my mind so I don’t have to think about it hopefully as much anymore.  I’m worried about Gabrielle…she doesn’t have a job yet for the summer, and I kind of feel a little like she wishes she was just going home now instead living here with me, so things wouldn’t be so complicated.  And I’m worried that things might not work out so well with Crosby living with us for the month of May.  We’ve only been dating since March and I hope we don’t get sick of each other and that he doesn’t get bored because I’ll be working and studying for the LSATs.  And I’m worried about not being able to find a part time job in Columbus this summer.  I’m worried about Lily’s sister who fell out of the fourth floor window of my dorm room last night and is in Columbus at a hospital in critical condition.  Lord help her be strong, please.

Hmm…okay I think that’s it for now.  I’m getting depressed talking about it.  But I have so many things to be thankful for it’s unreal, and I feel grateful everyday for everyone and everything I have in my life.  I must be strong, have faith in my abilities, and not let my doubts get the best of me.  I have had an amazing life and learned so much so far, and should be thanking god every day for what I have.  The only question is…who is this god?  I choose to believe today that she is the Goddess of Fate, Destiny and Chance.  Everyday I make choices, everyday I have choices to make, everyday is a new day, and everyday my path could change.

Later

I just found out Lily’s sister is dead.  May my love go out to her family in their time of need, pain and grief.  I don’t understand how there could be a god if terrible things like this happen.  Maybe things like this are supposed to happen…maybe that is the whole point of humanity.  But if that is so, then what is the point of god?  Are we all just alone in this world?  Perhaps we are not, and we must ban together in humanity as a whole.  But how could that ever happen with a society like ours?