ON LIFE — Running From What We’re Afraid Of

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Reflection from September 22nd, 2007 @ Age 26

RE:  FACING THE DARKNESS WITHIN MY OWN SOUL.

I got a text message from Addy out in California tonight, and she’s having a difficult time adjusting to her newly found life out on the west coast.  I called her and we chatted for a little while and she sounded exhausted and overwhelmed with law school—don’t I know!  But her situation in California so very much reminds me of my own at Denison, which I’ve currently been rehashing, in that I spent so much time running from where I was trying to get to the next spot, thinking that would be the cure—that I couldn’t see what was most important to be mended, was what’s within me and not within some geographical region or some educational program, or any other material thing it is I’ve scoured yet for the answer.

More and more I am convinced by the day, that that which is most vital to be developed is nothing more than the human soul.  Which is perhaps why I am so shocked that my own best friend does not believe in the soul in the first place.  I am just amazed that that which is so vital to my existence is not even a part of hers.  I can’t see how the difference came about.  Or perhaps I can—but that issue is just too large to tackle on this particular Saturday night.  Regardless, it makes me think about “The Trap” and all those who are selling their soul out to corporate America just to stay afloat.  Just to pay off school loans, just to get ahead.  But we are sealing our own fate in supporting these proponents of evil.  No, I do not think all corporations are evil.  But I think many of them are, most I might dare say, because absolute power corrupts absolutely and you just can’t argue with me on that my friend.  Not tonight anyways.

So I am beginning to see how I spent so much time running from that which was real, and how if only I had been ready to look, or had the time or the energy, the answer that I needed—I had within me all the time.  Now I know this is going to be a difficult process, and I know it will lead you once more to question whether this is a world you want to live in.  But I want you to keep in mind, my love, that you very well cannot be much help to others from six feet under.  Unless you can?  Ohh shit…I just cannot tell.