HERE IN AMERICA – It’s a Lose-Lose Battle for the Mentally Ill (or at least in Ohio, it is…)

October 30th, 2013


I scare everyone.  That’s what I do.  I show everyone how good I am, how good I am trying to be, how talented I am, all that I have to offer, and they run.  They run from me because I am intense and I propose action they are afraid to take, to help.  And they are afraid of me and they run.  That’s what they do.  All of them.  They run from me because they are frightened of me and what I might do.

I ask for help, I show them how hard I work and how hard I am willing to work and to what lengths I am willing to go.  I ask them for opportunity and explain my circumstances and show them how hard I’ve worked to overcome, and still not a one, do they want me so.  That is what I am.  How can I not believe then, when they so clearly show me what I am worth?  There is no opportunity for me here…

And so, this is my rash response to another dismissal.  First NAMI Ohio, then Disability Rights Ohio, then Ohio Empowerment Coalition, now Mental Health of America of Franklin County…not a one as my tears once more begin to flow.  No room at the inn is all, I suppose…


Ahh and here is another from State Representative Stinziano, correcting my use of “Terry” rather than “Executive Director Russell at NAMI Ohio”…and another…


Well I left the cigarette stand while it was smoking outside and truth be told I don’t care if it blows the whole goddamned building up with me inside of it.  I know I’m being dramatic here and it’s because I’m so goddamned tired.  But honestly, is it any wonder we’re driven to do such destructive things?

Nobody fucking CARES in this world.  Nobody ‘cept my family, mom and dad, Chris and Aaliyah, Caleb and Lainey and that’s really just about it.  I don’t know how or why I’m supposed to sustain in this world…I don’t even want to be here anymore, let someone else have the air I must breathe in.