Reflection from February 19th, 2012 @ Age 30
RE: WHEN WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU WANTED TURNS OUT NOT TO BE WHAT YOU WANTED AT ALL, AND WHAT YOU NEEDED ALL ALONG TURNS OUT TO BE POSSIBLE.
Approximately 6am. The roosters are crowing, or croaking, or roosting, LOL, or whatever they do, that is what they are a doin’! And my period is 4 days late, and I am sitting here on our balcony, can barely see to write, but I am sitting here peering over the railing at the water, the sailboats, the lights, the sky and the moon. And I am dreaming of all that could be, and all that could possibly be meant to be.
Kyrie Elle Crumrine? John Dietrich Hawk Crumrine? Both? Neither? By a different name? Even more? I just do not know. But I am waiting to see as the water kicks in so I can pee on a stick and see if anything has changed since the last time. I can’t even imagine that it could be possible, here, right now, this au natural way. I don’t see how it could possibly be; some things are like that though. And yet they are nonetheless, and they will be, without regard.
I hate to get excited and then get bloody once more. I hate to believe only to be scared and ponder the worst that could be. But I sit here and I am watching the moon, and I see the sailboats and I can’t help but wonder— could it be? There ain’t no way! And yet I know, at the very same time, that so very much is possible, and what will be is going to be. I’m so frightened to hope, but I hope anyway. I am a dreamer and I’d absolutely positively have it no other way.
I can see the moon— it is a whole, and yet only a sliver is illuminated. Never seen the whole before, and yet, here it is. The illumination is pulsating, drawing my attention, but I see the whole. The lightness and the darkness, what seems to be and what is truly there. The lightness easy, the darkness difficult, but they are both there, and they are joined, and together they make one beautiful whole.
Just planned the week schedule…so fun! I’m so glad this is my first vaca with Adam, but also my first real beachy vacation. Kind of makes it just all the more special now. Some kinda special ;0)
So I took the preggers test but realized as I sat on the toilet waiting on the results— reading the directions first might have been a bit beneficial. Apparently you’re only supposed to hold the stick under the pee stream for 5 seconds, not for the whole goddamned piss (LOL). And then also, not supposed to drink a bunch of water beforehand because it waters down the piss which houses the “pregnancy” hormone. So that’s $12 down the drain. Ahh well though, try again tonight!
So now I’m sitting here with my husband who is some kind of sexy in his new pink Hurley swim trunks ;0) (but for real, they actually are pretty awesome), laying by his side in my white strapless bikini with the gold and navy anchor smack dab between my breasts ;0) and the itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow and white striped bottoms to my bikini ;0)
So that’s that for now. Honeymoon’s the best ;0)
Adam’s making our 7 resy’s for the week…dinners and sunset cruise and kayaking and ahhh!!!
Honestly though, I absolutely positively love it here without doubt. It’s as boho chic as a beachy vaca can get (or at least, as far as I can imagine) and it’s absolutely, 100% for surely and without doubt, the one and only place I would want to be with Adam for our honeymoon. What luck ;0)
All my love now ‘til even more very soon…