ON LOVE — The Closing Of One Door, Leads To The Opening Of Another ;0)

Reflection from February 14th, 2017 a.k.a. V-Day ;oD @ Age 35

RE:  MARIOLOGY, MERITOCRACY, ETC. ETC. ;oD

11:28am

Of course, these white-skinned “GOP” males won’t acknowledge—the hard work of others; others who have shed blood, sweat and tears to better themselves.  To do so, would necessarilyimplicate” the question—as to, why these white-skinned “GOP” males have not done so, themselves.  Wow.

White-skinned “GOP” males who were handed everything, TOTALLY without merit—such that when the time came to become the unethical dishonest one, it WAS do as daddy says, or he’ll take your WHOLE unmerited “plastic” life away, because he can.  Wow.

=O

Bummer.  And yet, it still does not excuse the unethical dishonest behavior.  But, a bummer for sure!  And, there’s the silver-lining—to not, having had to grow up wealthy ;oD

Actually, one of the many!

11:45am

Ughrrrr…

Okay, real quick, ‘cause I have to and it’ll feel am…

Lol…

A—may—zing ;oD

To get it off my chest!

;oD

Okay, so, another weird thought then TOO, that’s been on my mind—well, ACTUALLY, been slippin’ off a’my tongue, to be precise ;oD

I keep finding myself ;oD

Saying, “oof!”  Mhmm—just over and over and OVER again ;oD

Just, remindin’ me—to sit my beautiful self, DOWN ;oD

And, get this out!  So, here goes!  REAL quick!  Then, to break fast ;oD

“Oof,” is a phrase I acquired whilst dating Daniel Avner Klein—Dave bein’ my first love, Danny bein’ my second (yeah, you bet your booty third time’s a *CHARM*—Marshall Bruce Mathers III a.k.a. My Prince Charmin’).

;oD

Ugh, okay!  So, Daniel Avner Klein, right—grew up in Shaker Heights, Ohio, to an artist-Mama and a Rabbi-Father.  Lol…

Truly!  Umm, what else?  What else, that is relevant—of course…

Well, actually, I think that about covers it—other than his love, actually

;oD

Well, his love for “black” culture (he was a Black Studies minor at Denison), sigh…

He —LOVED— Eminem…

;oD

And, I really loved his love for black culture—and Talib Kweli and DJ Hi Tek and Common n’all THAT, sort’a thang

But, ughhh

Lol, at the time, I tell you—I did not love his love, for Eminem.  I can clearly remember driving around Shaker Heights (during law school, I think) with him—and it was Christmastime and we were just drivin’ around Shaker Heights, getting high and lookin’ at all the Christmas lights…

And he wanted to listen to Eminem, of all people—one of, well…

I think it was a new record of his, had just come out.  So, this would’ve been sometime, hmm…

Actually, maybe Christmas 2003?  ‘Cause, I graduated Denison May 2003 (Danny failed a math class that last semester, and thereby—didn’t ;oD), but—I’m pretty sure this was before I quit smoking there the first time, after I started seeing that incompetent social worker.  Although, it always did seem kinda strange, that when I did quit smoking weed—I started to go to AA meetings; ONE of which “happened” to actually be, at the place of holiness Danny’s dad did his whole Rabbi thang.  Hmm!

Anyway, back to Eminem…

;oD

Yeah, I just didn’t get it—it seemed like such a lovely thing to drive around and get high and look at the lovely Christmas lights…

I didn’t understand why he’d wanna ruin, that—by simultaneously, wanting’a listen to a super angry Eminem album.  Looking BACK, it kinda really breaks my heart—not in a sense having anything to do with Danny, of course.  I dunno…

I just think there are certain things in your life, that you do—and thereby gain some experience, right?  And then, eventually, you gain enough experience, to KNOW—that the next time you try it, it’ll be make-it-or-break-it ‘cause the next time’ll be the last time, if you even make it that far.

I don’t know—it’s still kinda hard to explain, I suppose.  But, all in good time—suffice it to say, for now

At that time, I was just not ready quite yet.

In any case, though, that being said—yeah

Those are prolly the three biggest, relevant Danny’isms:

No.1.  African-American culture—which I found I too, loved;

No.2.  Eminem—same conclusion ;oD

No.3.  And then, lastly here, the last time I ever saw Danny was, hmm…

Must’ve been prolly, July 2007—before I moved to Columbus from Cleveland (Coventry—where I was living at the time—just off the main drag there, on Lancashire Road), but post-law school graduation.  And, he had just moved from a house in Coventry (on a different street), to an apartment (also, in Coventry—and come to think of it, his Mama had just moved to Coventry too, whilst in the midst of their divorce, which always also, seemed kinda interesting)—ugh!

Anyway, he’d just moved, right—I went over and it was just me and him, and we were in his new bedroom there, you know—gettin’ high.  And then, I was up movin’ all around the room like the Sugar Plum Fairy—and, before you’d even know it, I’d swear to you ;oD

‘Cause it’s TRUE!

Before I even knew it…

;oD

The whole dang’on room was totally organized n’looking fabulous ;oD

And so, we’d just been talking the whole time—and I’d forgotten about time, and it was just very bittersweet, you know?

He and I, we’d been dating off-and-on from spring of junior year in college (so, maybe April 2002) ’til that moment in summer 2007—and we both full well knew it was over, and for good this time—and for some, well…

For whatever reason, there was relief in that—RELIEF, that the end had finally come, and would at long last, be complete.

I suppose, because he and I, and our relationshipsigh

It was love, and it was great.

;0)

But, it was also the kinda comfort we both kept crawling back to—FULL well knowing, it was past the point of no return…

But, all the same—bein’ what you are when you’re a human; young, twenty-something American—girl and boy, a former flame, facing a great-big-wide world that did have a tendency (especially, back then!) to be terrifying.

So anyway, I’m fluttering about, you know—organizing things ;oD

And then, I finally finish and sit down—and then, he did for the very last time, one of the things I loved best about him.  He got some kinda whatever kinda hideous music equipment we all used to have, up n’running—and he introduced me to a new song which was very exciting, because he already knew it was a song I was going to love.

And, boyTHAT it was ;oD

It was this J-Dilla song, “So Far Come, So Far To Go”—and it just meant everything, ‘cause my heart was aching and the song, just made it melt.  And then, it didn’t hurt anymore.  Lol, well

Until I sobered up ;oD

And then, it hurt for a very long, long time.  And, frankly, it’s still hard to believe I even made it out onto the other side—alive.

And yet, here I am—and boy, do I still love that song.

Oof!  Okay ;oD

That should do it!  Off I go—to break the fast!

All my love!

Marissa

;oD