CULTIVATING BEAUTY – On the Beginning, Starting from the End



WRITTEN 11/17/2010 @ AGE 29

Well, despite my illness and despite my massive student loans, I found someone to love me.  In fact, he loves me not despite those obstacles; he loves me because of them; because those challenges that I’ve faced in my life, among many others, have made me the amazing person that I am today.

Living with this mental illness has given me a far greater, a far deeper understanding of life, of human suffering, of human redemption and human triumph before the age of 30 that many people, perhaps most, will not gain in a lifetime.  And yes, I’ve chosen a difficult career, but it is one that allows for tremendous personal growth and the ability to be intrinsically proud of what I do.  I have been given and I have chosen an immensely difficult path, but I am finally beginning to see how things are going to work out, and how my lengthy period of initial sacrifice will, in the end, place me in a realm of fulfillment and happiness than most others will only dream of their entire lives.

I have walked a path that most others would not choose.  And I will reap benefits from life that most others will never see.  I can appreciate that now.  I am at the top of a mountain, I have many more to climb, but for the first time in my life I feel that I have finally begun to see more clearly; to finally see the things I previously could only hope would be there in the end.

For so long I could merely tread water, but my persistence and determination have gotten me through the darkness of my despair, and I am, at long last, moving forward.